Wednesday, March 30, 2011

poop post & pledge


{I love how dogs are surprised by their own farts.
When a dog farts he looks around like what was that?}


Lately, I have noticed there is just too much poop on the internet; by poop I really mean poop, you know feces. At the end of this post I will pledge to keep poops off of my blog forever! Even after I have babies people! Poop has been all over the internet these days. Whether people are talking about disastrous diapers or puppy accidents it is everywhere I turn (even NieNie, so don't feel bad if you're guilty). I must admit that I have already alluded to Biff's bowels on this blog just a few posts ago; so before we make this blog doo doo free I have one story that you would be truly disappointed about if I did not share it.

First we begin with our heroin, let's call her terrible t. Terrible t is just minding her own business as she takes her sweet doggy out to do his business. Now terrible t hates cleaning up dog business so instead of cleaning up the doo like many (with a bag around their hand..eww) she uses a kitty litter scoop/shovel and a grocery sack. One might think that it is difficult for terrible t to walk down the sidewalk with a 50 lb dog pulling her along and holding the clean up supplies and it is. So terrible t takes that sweet doggy back inside before she does the cleaning up every time. Now, I understand dog poo is gross and no one wants to step in it. I get it! That is why I clean it up. BUT on this particular day this sweet doggy is sniffing around in preparation to do his dirty business and suddenly a neighbor comes outside to watch.
Let's call this neighbor, Doug (just because said neighbor resembles Doug Heffernan; and that's my second King of Queens reference).
So Doug comes out to watch the show. Before we go on with our story you must know that terrible t and Doug have never met. They have lived a few doors down for several months or maybe even a year, but they have never met. Terrible t is a terrible neighbor after all. So Doug comes out to watch the grass getting soiled.
Then, you know, feces happens.
So, terrible t, having never met Doug, ignores him and begins to take sweet doggy inside so she'll be ready for poop collecting with ease. As terrible t turns and takes her first step, Doug opens his mouth....

Without so much as a, "Hi, I'm Doug, nice to meet you." Doug proceeds to lecture terrible t about cleaning up the doodies and how his child is constantly finding poopers in the grass.
All terrible t can say is that she always cleans the business, but hello! terrible t is not the only dog owner around.

Conclusion: Awkward

Thanks Doug!

PS: Terrible t forgives Doug, even though they've never talked since the incident (2 years?), she's trying to be like Jesus after all.
But that's the best poop story I got.

Poop Pledge:

I, terrible t, pledge never to publish a single post, facebook status, or photo about poop from here on out. Whether the poop is Biff's, a future baby's or mine (who are we kidding here I am just far too beautiful or delicate for that... girls don't poop!) poo poos will not grace the web published by me from this point forward.

Take the pledge. Just say no to you know what.

1 comment:

aj said...

haha! I'm with ya - leave the poop in the bathroom (or on the lawn in your case...)