poop post & pledge

{I love how dogs are surprised by their own farts.
When a dog farts he looks around like what was that?}

Lately, I have noticed there is just too much poop on the internet; by poop I really mean poop, you know feces. At the end of this post I will pledge to keep poops off of my blog forever! Even after I have babies people! Poop has been all over the internet these days. Whether people are talking about disastrous diapers or puppy accidents it is everywhere I turn (even NieNie, so don't feel bad if you're guilty). I must admit that I have already alluded to Biff's bowels on this blog just a few posts ago; so before we make this blog doo doo free I have one story that you would be truly disappointed about if I did not share it.

First we begin with our heroin, let's call her terrible t. Terrible t is just minding her own business as she takes her sweet doggy out to do his business. Now terrible t hates cleaning up dog business so instead of cleaning up the doo like many (with a bag around their hand..eww) she uses a kitty litter scoop/shovel and a grocery sack. One might think that it is difficult for terrible t to walk down the sidewalk with a 50 lb dog pulling her along and holding the clean up supplies and it is. So terrible t takes that sweet doggy back inside before she does the cleaning up every time. Now, I understand dog poo is gross and no one wants to step in it. I get it! That is why I clean it up. BUT on this particular day this sweet doggy is sniffing around in preparation to do his dirty business and suddenly a neighbor comes outside to watch.
Let's call this neighbor, Doug (just because said neighbor resembles Doug Heffernan; and that's my second King of Queens reference).
So Doug comes out to watch the show. Before we go on with our story you must know that terrible t and Doug have never met. They have lived a few doors down for several months or maybe even a year, but they have never met. Terrible t is a terrible neighbor after all. So Doug comes out to watch the grass getting soiled.
Then, you know, feces happens.
So, terrible t, having never met Doug, ignores him and begins to take sweet doggy inside so she'll be ready for poop collecting with ease. As terrible t turns and takes her first step, Doug opens his mouth....

Without so much as a, "Hi, I'm Doug, nice to meet you." Doug proceeds to lecture terrible t about cleaning up the doodies and how his child is constantly finding poopers in the grass.
All terrible t can say is that she always cleans the business, but hello! terrible t is not the only dog owner around.

Conclusion: Awkward

Thanks Doug!

PS: Terrible t forgives Doug, even though they've never talked since the incident (2 years?), she's trying to be like Jesus after all.
But that's the best poop story I got.

Poop Pledge:

I, terrible t, pledge never to publish a single post, facebook status, or photo about poop from here on out. Whether the poop is Biff's, a future baby's or mine (who are we kidding here I am just far too beautiful or delicate for that... girls don't poop!) poo poos will not grace the web published by me from this point forward.

Take the pledge. Just say no to you know what.

thanksgiving daily

Last night I made acorn squash with my dinner, but that is not why this post is called thanksgiving daily. Have you checked out lds.org lately? It is pretty nifty.



Today I am thankful for...

1. Jesus Christ
2. my life
3. lee
4. eternal marriage
5. biffy
6. oatmeal
7. cadbury mini eggs
8. music
9. speaking in church later today even though I am dreading it
10. family that love me
11. going off track in 2 weeks
12. my job
13. my cute students
14. the wonderful ladies I work with
15. cooking
16. technology
17. lee's job
18. having a long commute which has taught me to manage my time better
19. my healthy body
20. running
21. daylight savings
22. beautiful weather
23. not so beautiful weather that brings us water
24. whoever is reading this right now (you!)
25. people who write down their thoughts on their blog so I can learn from them
26. lee is graduating may 7 (master's degree) !

I really could go on forever. There are those out there who say people are 'fake' on their blogs and never share how they really feel, but I truly am happy and grateful to be alive. Sad and stressful things happen in my life, but sharing those things is just not my way.

the beavers and the bees

As I sit here eating a 10:00 PM dinner feast of oatmeal and whole wheat toast it occurred to me that it's time for us to have a little talk. A little talk about the beavers and the bees. No you perverts, I said the beavers and the bees. You know, the busy creatures as opposed to the sexy ones? What the junk do birds and bees have to do with reproduction anyway? Maybe you can ask google for me.

image theft aided and abetted by google and credit goes here

Lately I have been too busy. If I didn't know better I would say that I have had the busiest three weeks of my life. I know though, that it's just not true. I have been a full time student and employee before so what I have been doing lately is really not that bad. I have over the past year though, started to become accustomed to a lazy life.

I must tell you, lazy days are grand. I did not used to feel this way but Lee has shown me the error of my ways. Marriage is awesome like that.

I absolutely, positively cannot wait to go off track (FOR FOUR WEEKS) in a mere matter of two weeks.

This is what has kept me so busy these past three weeks:

• 2 bridal showers
• 2 baby showers
• 2 four hour praxis classes
• 2 long days of parent conferences
• 1 sorta stressful praxis test
• 1 family birthday
• 2 activity day activities
• 3 sisters visit taught
  
• 30--45 minute commutes to or from work
• buying new tires
• going to the gym 15 times
• trying to make dinner the few nights I was actually home
  
• and all sorts of other householdy things (like laundry and dishes) getting done sometimes, ignored other times, and delegated to Lee occassionally

My warm bed is beckoning unto me and of course there is much to be done on my supposed day off so I better go get my beauty sleep.

BUT, one last thing before I go. As Billy Nye would say:
Consider the Following:

Today I have been thinking about hair... my hair to be specific. Should I change my hair to this color?




What say you of this?


P.S. Lee does not think that neither me nor my blog is funny.


P.P.S. Don't be too mad at him he laughs his head off at AFV and he's pretty darn cute so... *shrug*

snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

one of my new favorite things is making my own salsa/pico de gallo
it is so stinkin' easy and yummy
one day I wanted some salsa, I threw this together and have been hooked ever since.
I am sure you could find lots of recipes online that are better or even the same thing, but this is what I do:



Cut up some tomatoes (pictured is 2 large ones)
Cut up some green onion (pictured is about 4 or 5 stems)
Cut up some cilantro

Mix together and enjoy; if you try it and it doesn't taste right it is because most recipes include lime, but I'm good without it.

Other Favorite Things:

• smoothies in my magic bullet (fruit + yogurt + ice)
• Lee; isn't he just the best thing since sliced bread? I think so.
• reading strangers' blogs
• Oatmeal! Literally: every stinkin' day
  
• Meg Ryan movies

PS: March isn't even over yet and all the stores I have been to recently are sold out of Cadbury Mini Eggs; I swear they only produce a limited amount?

oops

Yesterday I inadvertently led a lady in my ward to believe Lee and I are struggling with infertility; we are not {yet}.
You know what that say about assumptions...

So if someone tells you to pray for my fertility, forgetaboutit!

If... on the other hand, someone tells you to pray that Biff can enjoy the benefits of a fiber rich diet, I would say unto you, "Good Carp! It is the gospel truth.
Pray Early. Pray Often. For realsies people!
This clean freak cannot handle no more poopies in my house!"

{the baby hater with her niece 2 years ago}

Sister: I am mentoring 5 grad students.
Me: I definitely want to get a Master's Degree, but probably not for a while. I just want to keep my options open so that if I get burnt out from teaching I can make a career change to ESL, Special Ed., Counseling, or something different.
Sister: That's a good idea.
----awkward pause----
Me: Yeah, ... I'll probably wait until after I have kids that are older. Well, you know, if or when I have kids. You never really know about those things.
Sister: As soon as you stop trying to get pregnant, you'll get pregnant.
----awkward pause-----
Me: ....yeah...
----awkward pause----

Which is worse her assumption or my omission?

Another conversation related to baby-making... this conversation has happened word for word at least three times this year.

Random Person: So do you have kids?
Me: No
Random Person: How long have you been married?
Me: About 3 1/2 years.
Random Person: ---silence--- their thoughts: infertile or baby hater

Someday we will {hopefully} be fruitful and overplenish the earth, but for now.... save your prayers for the people of Japan (who need it), since I'm such a baby hater and all.

how you know it's saturday

you know it's saturday when...

photography by lee

• you wake up early, but not to go to work, to pick up your bountiful basket
• you make an executive decision to abstain from capital letters for the day
• you buy dean's zesty guacomole dip at 8:00 a.m., eat it at 10:45 a.m. and decide it is not quite the guac for you
• you read a stranger's blog for at least 45 minutes while shows on E! (guess I can capitalize that) play in the background about celebrities and their clothes
• you take a nap around 10
• biff takes a nap around ten resting his head on your leg
• you see your husband's ex-girlfriend's husband (did you follow that one...?) working at walmart at 8:00 am (who doesn't know you at all, you've just seen his face on facebook) and you remember: oh yeah, so glad I don't work in retail anymore, and oh yeah so glad I got be the one who married lee.
• you pretend to do laundry
• you are excited to go the gym, make a yummy dinner and {finally} watch the biggest loser
• you write on the blog and try to decide if one of your bullet points is too rude to publish, but decide to go with it because hello, it's saturday
• your parent conferences are over!
• you have decided to dedicate the day to doing nothing, unless that something makes you smile
  
• you decide it's high time for a pointless trip to target

and with that I'm off for an adventure.

proof of floss

Today my head is empty and I have nothing to fill this post with; and therefore no proof of life.
I do however have proof of floss.

numeros de miercoles

I stole this image from google image search; shame on me

time I left the house 6:45 AM
time I arrived home 10:15 PM
percentage of my cafe rio pork salad eaten in one sitting: 99.9%
number of laps I made my kids go outside and run with me from eating too much rio: 2
fraction of kiddos who ran the laps faster than me: 3/26
fraction of kiddos who finished at the same time as me 2/26
parent conferences I have already done: 2
parent conferences left to do: 24
times larger the gold's on redwood rd is in comparison to the gold's on 9th east in provo: at least 4
inches my jaw dropped when I walked in and saw how big it was: 3
times I have told Lee we need to look at gym quality and location when purchasing a home: at least 5
times he has told me the above is ridiculous: at least 5
miles ran: 5
minutes I spent in the (ewww) public shower so I wouldn't be smelly at Taylor's baby shower: 3-5
times I thought to myself, "how far away IS Centerville? Holy crow!": up to 7
people I really knew at the baby shower: 1
people I kinda knew: 2
people that were strangers: 6 (ish)
people who dressed me in a diaper all made of toliet paper that included suspenders and using tissues to increase my womanly parts which was somehow inspired by gaga: 2
pictures taken of that outfit: unknown
bizarre vanity license plates I noticed on i-15: 1 (LDSFAM)
times my car feared for his life due to inclement weather: 4
blogs I may or may not have stolen my ideas from last time I did this: 2

lo siento

years I have taken of Spanish class: 3
on a scale of 1-10 how well do I know Spanish? -3

sunday night par-tay

Tonight we had a Sunday night par-tay! You may be asking yourself, "What kind of party do you have on the sabbath?" Well, it includes getting sugared up on fresh pineapple, red vines, and cadbury mini eggs.

Second, I start singing, "Sixteen Going on Seventeen," from The Sound of Music until Lee gets so tired of it he turns on some itunes tuneage.


All of this happens while we get in the zone, Carcassonne. Have you ever played that game? It is very fun, but something about playing it makes me feel like a nerd playing Dungeons and Dragons, but honestly, who cares? I bet nerds playing Dungeons and Dragons are having the time of their lives!

For the record, Lee won the first time and I won the second time. I haven't mentioned this yet in the world of blog, (although 26 fifth graders are acquainted with this information) but Lee basically beats me at EVERYTHING in this earthly life!!! Hopefully I can win at things when we get to heaven, but who knows? It is kind of a big deal when I win, at least in my mind. One of the few games I can actually win at (about 50% of the time) is Carcassonne.


Things Lee wins at: (or is just better at)
any video game especially if it includes guns
Stratego
Scum
Old School X Box Tetris
physical skills: snowboarding, softball, any old sport you can think of
basically he is good at everything


Things I win at (or am better at):
Eating more (funny, sad, & true)
Dancing/Yoga/Running
Sometimes Carcassonne
Facebook Tetris--- sometimes
I used to win at Dr. Mario, but that is a long story about a fight in our relationship over video games which is just too shameful to even admit.

So there, I lose a lot and we are very competitive, but I know right now what you are really thinking is, "Fresh pineapple? Delicious! Where did you get it? And how in the world do you cut one?"

Of course I got it in my bountiful basket. My magic bullet and I love all that fruit! I learned to cut the pineapple with this video. Whenever I don't know how to do something I look it up on youtube. Seriously people, I ask myself every day, "How in the h-e-double hockey sticks did people accomplish anything before google? Especially learning to cook." Thank you Al Gore for inventing the internet (joke).

If you think I have bad grammar right now I am just going to blame it on too many red vines (and you should too).


No post is complete without Biff, even if the photo is blurry. It made me laugh out loud. I thought you might be wondering what he was doing while we consumed mass amounts of sugar and this is it. Love That Dog! (Which is the title of a great children's book by Sharon Creech by the way)


I also loved that thunderstorm yesterday; I hope you did too.

This is me in the Walmart parking lot during the storm yesterday. Just including it since I am not featured in any other photos and I know you're dying to see the big zit on my forehead, but I foiled you and covered it up with my bangs. Blemishes on my forehead are the reason for me to cut bangs 89% of the time when I cut bangs, but this time I resisted the urge to cut them since I am trying to grow them out.

Hope you don't cut bangs to cover any blemishes.
And remember to use google to solve all of your problems in this life (Activating yeast in your bread dough, cutting a cantaloupe, driving directions, and who is that one guy in that one movie?)

Too bad google can't help me solve my latest problem... getting out of speaking in church in two weeks.
at least google can help me write it.

sepia photo booth @ discount tire

Today I finally went to get my get my tire fixed so I don't have to fill it with air every 6-8 hours! Above is what I look like (in sepia) when I'm at discount tire, don't have internet and decide to figure out how to work photo booth for no reason. The best thing that happened at discount tire is when the nice salesman said they would flat repair my tire for free even though my tires weren't purchased there... awesome right? The worst thing that happened at discount tire was that the root of all this evil was a nail in the side wall of my tire, which if you never worked at sears automotive center as a tire saleswoman and you don't know about tires (like I do) means that the tire had to be replaced.

I am kind of high maintenance when it comes to tires. I buy clearance clothes and I go to the DI for fun, but I am kind of high maintenance about tires, so sue me. So I spent a bunch of money that should be going into the savings account at the end of the month after all of my "budget-y expertise goddess-ness," but at least I didn't spend it all. AND at least I can feel safe on i-15. Oh wait, I never feel safe on i-15. Thank you pot holes!

Well today is Friday and there is plenty to be happy about on Fridays, even when you spend a bunch of money at discount tire.

This lovely Friday I am happy that:

1. I am going to the gym as soon as I click, "publish post"
2. Saturday = sleeping in... (sort of, at least until I go take my praxis)
3. Tomorrow I am going to take Lee out on date, and it will {most likely} not include redbox
4. I did laundry yesterday; so I don't have to do it today
5. Yesterday I got 3 fun pieces of mail including: baby shower invitation, bridal shower invitation, &... wait for it... free trial to netflix. (which I will promptly cancel after the free trial, but free trials are great!)
6. There is milk in the fridge; which to me is just something to smile about. I lovvveee milk.

The last item of business I have for you is an overheard playground conversation (looked like 6th graders).

Boy 1: What are you mad? Why?
Boy 2: Cuz
Boy 1: Cuz why?
Boy 2: Silence
Boy 1: Cuz we made fun of you because of Twilight?

PS: Wish Lee and I BOTH luck on our praxis tests tomorrow

wednesday stats

miles I drove: at least 100
time I left the house: 6:30 AM
time I got home: 8:45 PM
MPH I drove over the speed limit in i-15 construction: same as your mom
bowls of oatmeal eaten: 2
number of string cheese(s) eaten: 4
number of times I filled up my tire: 3
money I paid to fill my tire: 50 cents
number of times I changed the channel b/c I didn't want to hear the new britney song: 4
loud toots in my classroom when the only other noise was my voice: 1
number of giggles afterward: 0!!
students I need to test their reading level by Friday: 9
most reading levels improved by one kid in my class since August: 5!!! reading 30 min/night works people!
number of cadbury mini eggs (purchased last week) left in my teacher desk: 0
miles I usually run every day: 5
miles I ran today: 0 :(
questions missed on praxis practice test: 6
questions right on praxis pratice test: 18
times biff wagged his tail when I walked in the door: 123487098237408912374

bad mood

Today when I got home from work I was in the worst mood and I still am...
Listed below are the accused culprits:

• March snow storm
• 45 minute commute becomes 1.5 hour commute thanks to storm
• my tire has a leak that I repeatedly have to fill with air
• I had a test prep class (for a teacher licensure test I am taking on Saturday) from 4:15 PM-8:00 PM after work
  
• I GET to the spend my evening at the class again on Wednesday
  
• husbands leaving clothes in the kitchen
• eating a mealy apple
  
• and worst of all no time for the gym

I seriously HATE it when I don't get to go the gym. It ruins my mood for the day. Especially because one way I can guarantee to change my mood and turn that frown upside down is a good long run. I could forget about all the other causes of my bad mood if I could just get to the gym, but once 8:00 PM hits it's just too late.

So what do you do when you are being an ornery donkey and need to change your mood?

I usually...

• RUN
• eat some double-stuf oreos
• take a nap
• read quotes about positive thinking
  

AND that's all I got; so I need some more strategies; especially b/c if the day doesn't include running the day usually won't be including oreos... :(

What do you do?

the cookie thief

Hope you enjoy this funny little poem to get your brain thinking on this lovely Sunday.

The Cookie Thief

by Valerie Cox

A woman was waiting at an airport one night
With several long hours before her flight
She hunted for a book in the airport shop
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see
That the man beside her as bold as could be
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene
She munched cookies and watched the clock
As this gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking "If I wasn't so nice I'd blacken his eye"
With each cookie she took he took one too
And when only one was left she wondered what he'd do
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half
He offered her half as he ate the other
She snatched it from him and thought "Oh brother
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude
Why he didn't even show any gratitude"
She had never known when she had been so galled
And sighed with relief when her flight was called
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat
Then sought her book which was almost complete
As she reached in her baggage she gasped with surprise
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes
"If mine are here" she moaned with despair
"Then the others were his and he tried to share"
"Too late to apologize she realized with grief"
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

I think I'll go make some cookies of my own :)
and to try to give people the benefit of the doubt more often.
Enjoy your Sunday

are you a writer?

Terrible T

1. Sometimes, I try

2a. School, reading & experience

3. School or work required writing (reports), to tell a story, to persuade, to express feelings or to capture a memory or a moment

4. Read widely, take classes, listen to people, watch people, research, and most importantly WRITE

5. Did the person follow the directions of the assignment, but made it their own?

6. Writing on my blog (much easier than journals)

7. "Whatever is in my head."

8. Yes, read it out loud to make sure there aren't any typos and I didn't say anything too stupid and/or have someone else read it to tell me if anything doesn't make sense.

9. Yes, once or twice a week.

10. Nat the Fat Rat and Nie Nie. Reading their interesting, funny and inspiring blogs made me want to write down everyday moments in a fun & easy way and share it with anyone who wants to read it.

11. Yes, anyone who wants to read it! BUT only when I feel like I am done. I always get bugged when Lee tries to read over my shoulder if it feels like it is only a rough draft.

12. I enjoy it when I am writing for no reason, but I dislike writing reports.

and a celebration of throwing in the towel

As of late, I have nothing of interest to say or photograph. Today, I had every intention of posting photos of a day of nothing(exciting right?); but once I left the house I forgot to take any more photos. I did however take a few this morning while I got ready for work.

{lovin' my HUGE hand... I hope it reminds you of a King of Queens episode!}

In other news, today, March 1, must be the day for throwing in the towel or at least faltering on New Year's Resolutions because for the first time since early January Lee & I actually got a decent parking space at the gym--which excites me greatly.

Speaking of 'resolutions' of sort, I am still missing my DDP; but my teeth sure don't. I think they even look whiter. Maybe that's just from my new twice a day flossing though? (shrug) it's a mystery...

Have you thrown in the towel yet?