Friday, February 18, 2011

diet dr pepper: a eulogy


–noun, plural -gies.
1. a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing, especially a set oration in honor of a deceased person.
2. high praise or commendation.


My Dearest DDP,
It has been a long 25 days without your sweet brown nectar. I think of you often. Sometimes I gaze longingly at gas stations as I drive past. Sometimes when I am with water, I am actually thinking of you, but alas it is not the same my lover. Don't tell water, he would be crushed! I miss your bubbly and guilt free taste on my tongue. Going on errands has lost it's allure without you. My 45 minute commute feels dangerously drowsy without your perky personality. Even Biff misses the days when I would take him for a ride in the car just to visit you at some drive up window. I know not whether our separation will be temporary or permanent. Only time will tell. In July I will see the evil force that pulled us apart (the dentist) and see if it has all been worth it. I hope I have not abandoned you for naught. Though we cannot meet during the waking hours I will see you tonight, in my dreams.

And now for some quotes from my visit(s) to the dentist for your entertainment:

"Your teeth are really good at growing decay."
"Do you drink soda?"
"Do you floss?"
"What a trooper."
"You're going to feel a zinger!"

Other staff at the dentist:
"How long has it been since you've been to the dentist?"
"Your teeth are really white." (weird since my teeth are so good at growing decay)
Receptionist: Where should we go for lunch?
Hygienist: Taco Bell. {Me (only in my head): Gross the meat is 35% meat...?}

Me at the dentist:
"A long time..."
"Let's do this!" (followed by a fist punch in the air as I lay in the chair)
"What's going on with Reba remaking a Beyonce song?"
"My whole cheek is numb; it kinda feels like I got botox."

Happy Flossing!

PS: A eulogy VS an eulogy? I simply could not figure it out (even with the help of google). I followed my gut. Sorry if I am incorrect :(


Jessica said...

Haha, this made me laugh. It has been literally almost 5 years since I've been to the dentist...kill me now.

Bethany said...

I haven't been to the dentist for a long time either and picturing you doing the fist pump and talking about Reba/Beyonce to the dentist cracks me up.
BTW, if the dentist told me to stop drinking soda I'd never go back!

Tiffany said...

Just to clarify, the dentist never actually told me to quit drinking soda, all he really said was do you drink soda... implying that is was an issue for my oral health :(